24. Learning to let go.

Before this year, I was having problems in my life. I always have problems, who doesn't? But this particular problem was particularly negatively affecting me. I wasn't happy with who I am, and I was trying to be somebody I wasn't.

Long story short (I'm at work at the moment), it was the people around me making me think I wasn't who I should be. They made me think I was someone else and I tried to be that someone else, not knowing that the real me is nothing like that.

Well this year, I've tried to embrace myself a bit more and it's a slow process, but I'm actually feeling a bit happier and thinking more positively. I've been procrastinating less, I have clear goals and I've begun projects that have been on hold for at least two years. I feel like my life is moving forward. And it's all thanks to letting go.

I used to think some friends were actually friends, but by letting go, I've stopped them from holding me back. It's up to you to identify who your real friends are and who isn't making a positive impact to your life.

I used to game like, 10 hours a day, but reducing that to 2 hours has allowed me to do more things like writing my screenplay.

I used to waste time by sleeping but time is precious and by forcing myself to wake up and sleep earlier, I feel more lively and my concentration is higher.

Basically by letting go, you can gain more and achieve a state of euphoria. You just gotta choose the right things to let go.

I should be a motivational speaker or something.

22. Leaving a mark.

Thought I had posted this. Looks like I had just saved it as a draft instead. Well, here it is.

Have you guys ever though about just how insignificant we are in this world? It's like nothing we do actually matters. If a person dies, what effect does it have on this planet? Heck, is earth even significant compared to this massive universe? There's nothing we can do about that, we're just humans after all.

I was just thinking about that today since Kate Middleton's son was just born. It was all over the news and so many people was outside Buckingham Palace for no reason. All they got to see was a note to say the baby was born. That baby is already more significant than a lot of us. He left a mark on the world just by being born. Compared to me, what have I done to get anyone noticed? Maybe that time I confessed to a girl and she cried but that's about it. I'm basically worth nothing in this world.

Not that I'm saying it's bad to be insignificant, some people prefer it that way. The way that nobody notices them and they can just get on with their lives. I have a different view of life though. I want to do something to get noticed, and it's for this reason that since I was just a kid, I've wanted to be famous. I'm not sure when the notion formed but I know for real that it's been one of my goals for a long time.

I just feel that leaving a mark on this world is one of the purposes of life. There's no way we just live and die without doing anything special. Well that's my opinion anyway, you don't have to agree with it.

-stripeytofu

19. Have you ever..?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I'm not quite sure what to make of it since I don't know what love is, but I like to think it's a real concept.

This morning, I think I came close. Perhaps.

I was on the tube to work, and I saw this girl standing to the side of me. She wore a beanie and a blue jacket. She wore other pieces of clothing too but I can't remember what they were. She had some makeup on; long eyelashes and red lipstick. She gave me the same feeling I have when I like a girl for a long time, but in just about 10 seconds. We were only on the same train for one stop, but those 40 seconds were magical. OK, I'm getting too cheesy for most of you now so I'm gonna back up.

But man, I won't forget her face.

-stripeytofu

16. Sometimes I just wonder.

No, I lied. I mean all the time, I just wonder what my purpose in life is. I feel like I'm meant for so much more. I realise I've not even lived the real world yet, but is it wrong for me to feel like there's not much waiting for me there? I feel like I've had a taste of it already living here and trying to find temporary jobs. It's not.. Fulfilling or satisfying enough. It just seems like an endless cycle of nothingness. I don't mean ro sound so depressed but I'm just bored of life, you know? I actually would prefer if the apocalypse happened (especially zombie) or something like War of the Worlds. Now that would be interesting. I wanna be swept away to sea and wake up on a stranded island. See, this is Movie Me coming out again. Movie Me has much much higher expectations of life.

I like how I can use this blog to vent out my frustrations and problems, and for that I am so thankful. I can always turn to it when I have no one to talk, or rather no one who can understand how I feel. Well, maybe there's one person but we're kinda in the same situation so talking to him wouldn't really improve anything.

-stripeytofu

11. I'm gonna be.

Listening to this song makes me feel relaxed, yet hyper at the same time. I can't explain it.. just, listen!



As you may have guessed, I recently watched the film Pitch Perfect, and guys, seriously, it's awesome. Then again, it's kind of a chick flick and I'm into that stuff. Even so, I recommend it to you guys cos.. cos it's awesome! Anyway, I suck with reviews and this isn't supposed to be a review post.

OMG I need a poo, be right back.

Okay, I'm back. Man, that hurt.

Anyway, I still do not have a job. I've spent SO long looking for one. I've had two interviews, passed both. First one was crap, so didn't accept. Second one was also crap. Also did not accept. Am I asking for too much?

I've decided, if by next month, I still don't have a job, I'll move back to Birmingham. I've been freeloading for too long off my cousins now and I feel so bad. I suppose at this point.. I'll just take any job I can get.

I'm trying to make a plan for my future, but so far, I keep hitting dead ends. What is wrong? Maybe I'm too afraid to admit it, but it's probably cos I'm all talk and no action. I am not physically putting the effort in to making my life better. I know, I'm always 'complain complain complain'. I am waiting for the right time, although I know the right time is when I make the time, and at the moment, I am making no time.

Well, that's all I got for today. Night guys.

- stripeytofu