24. Learning to let go.

Before this year, I was having problems in my life. I always have problems, who doesn't? But this particular problem was particularly negatively affecting me. I wasn't happy with who I am, and I was trying to be somebody I wasn't.

Long story short (I'm at work at the moment), it was the people around me making me think I wasn't who I should be. They made me think I was someone else and I tried to be that someone else, not knowing that the real me is nothing like that.

Well this year, I've tried to embrace myself a bit more and it's a slow process, but I'm actually feeling a bit happier and thinking more positively. I've been procrastinating less, I have clear goals and I've begun projects that have been on hold for at least two years. I feel like my life is moving forward. And it's all thanks to letting go.

I used to think some friends were actually friends, but by letting go, I've stopped them from holding me back. It's up to you to identify who your real friends are and who isn't making a positive impact to your life.

I used to game like, 10 hours a day, but reducing that to 2 hours has allowed me to do more things like writing my screenplay.

I used to waste time by sleeping but time is precious and by forcing myself to wake up and sleep earlier, I feel more lively and my concentration is higher.

Basically by letting go, you can gain more and achieve a state of euphoria. You just gotta choose the right things to let go.

I should be a motivational speaker or something.

23. Greatest dream ever.

Last night was the best dream I've ever had. Why was it so awesome you ask? Oh, you didn't? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. Kendall Jenner was in my dream. She was a bit different to the real Kendall (not that I know what she's really like, she might be really different to the one on KUWTK) but just seeing her up close in my dream is good enough. Course, I still wanna see her in person one day but this was a pleasant surprise. One weird thing though, she was married. What the hell. Why would I dream that? It was like a nightmare and a dream. Like a dreamare.

I wish I could remember more of the dream but I only realised she was in my dream about an hour after I woke up. Apparently after 5 minutes of waking up, you forget 50% of your dream, and after 10 minutes, 90%. Which is a shame. 

On a side note, I also saw Ariane Grande but she couldn't sing, and she's supposed to be a singer.

22. Leaving a mark.

Thought I had posted this. Looks like I had just saved it as a draft instead. Well, here it is.

Have you guys ever though about just how insignificant we are in this world? It's like nothing we do actually matters. If a person dies, what effect does it have on this planet? Heck, is earth even significant compared to this massive universe? There's nothing we can do about that, we're just humans after all.

I was just thinking about that today since Kate Middleton's son was just born. It was all over the news and so many people was outside Buckingham Palace for no reason. All they got to see was a note to say the baby was born. That baby is already more significant than a lot of us. He left a mark on the world just by being born. Compared to me, what have I done to get anyone noticed? Maybe that time I confessed to a girl and she cried but that's about it. I'm basically worth nothing in this world.

Not that I'm saying it's bad to be insignificant, some people prefer it that way. The way that nobody notices them and they can just get on with their lives. I have a different view of life though. I want to do something to get noticed, and it's for this reason that since I was just a kid, I've wanted to be famous. I'm not sure when the notion formed but I know for real that it's been one of my goals for a long time.

I just feel that leaving a mark on this world is one of the purposes of life. There's no way we just live and die without doing anything special. Well that's my opinion anyway, you don't have to agree with it.

-stripeytofu

21. Kendall Jenner

I know I haven't posted in ages and I should probably explain why. But I can't be bothered.

Now you can probably guess why.

I know I haven't posted in ages and I should probably explain why. But I can't be bothered and none of you will care because it's disinteresting.

Anyway, the point of this post is to show you guys my new love. You may remember when I went through a phase where I was a Swiftie. That's the term for a Taylor Swift fan. I loved her for ages. I still do, but now she's become number two.

Kendall Jenner. She's my number one. I am absolutely mesmerized by her beauty. She's like an angel with no wings.. so like a human.

Yeah, so basically I just really like her due to my shallowness. The only things I know about her are from what I see on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, but I have a feeling her personality on the show is actually what it's like in real life. I mean she doesn't seem too dramatic like Kim is (and the rest of the cast).

Kendall's face is so plain, yet so perfect. She has like, all the right proportions everywhere. I can't really explain it, but the bottom line is, she's the most perfect female human being. With Brad Pitt being the perfect male counterpart.

tofu

20. A sorta job.

Guys, last week, I filled in an application for an unpaid online job. Well, I got the job a few days ago but I won't tell you what it is yet, so stay tuned. It's pretty cool.

-stripeytofu

19. Have you ever..?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I'm not quite sure what to make of it since I don't know what love is, but I like to think it's a real concept.

This morning, I think I came close. Perhaps.

I was on the tube to work, and I saw this girl standing to the side of me. She wore a beanie and a blue jacket. She wore other pieces of clothing too but I can't remember what they were. She had some makeup on; long eyelashes and red lipstick. She gave me the same feeling I have when I like a girl for a long time, but in just about 10 seconds. We were only on the same train for one stop, but those 40 seconds were magical. OK, I'm getting too cheesy for most of you now so I'm gonna back up.

But man, I won't forget her face.

-stripeytofu

18. Lucid dreaming.

Ever heard of lucid dreaming? It's a dream where one is aware that they are dreaming.

Basically you can sorta control what happens in it, whether having the ability to control yourself or objects inside the dream environment.

Okay, I'm bad at explaining, but it should be pretty clear to you now what I mean. How about an example? One time, I had a lucid dream which I totally remember even now. I was fighting a blue metal version of Donkey Kong. I have no idea why my mind decided to construct such a notion, but it did. He started running away, so I gave chase. But it felt light. I looked down at my feet and I wasn't on the ground! I realised I was flunning, Chinese style. To get what I mean, watch this video from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon:


Yep, just like that.

After reading an article recently, it revitalised my interest in lucid dreams. I did some research on how to achieve lucid dreams on purpose. It takes some training, but it's actually possible. The top two ways I discovered to dreaming a lucid dream is making reality checks (such as checking your watch frequently in real life) and keeping a dream journal. I think it would be totally awesome to have more lucid dreams. Since I'm always so bored and looking for adventures, my dreams would be the next best place to have adventures. You know? I'm not sure if I can keep up with my reality checks though, but keeping a dream journal should be pretty easy. But the problem is, I haven't been remembering my dreams lately. I'll try to improve on that (somehow).

My dream, is to one day have a dream about cheese meteors, and having a big head so I can eat those meteors. Here's an image I spent a long time in drawing, so I hope you appreciate it.

Click to enlarge

-stripeytofu

16. Sometimes I just wonder.

No, I lied. I mean all the time, I just wonder what my purpose in life is. I feel like I'm meant for so much more. I realise I've not even lived the real world yet, but is it wrong for me to feel like there's not much waiting for me there? I feel like I've had a taste of it already living here and trying to find temporary jobs. It's not.. Fulfilling or satisfying enough. It just seems like an endless cycle of nothingness. I don't mean ro sound so depressed but I'm just bored of life, you know? I actually would prefer if the apocalypse happened (especially zombie) or something like War of the Worlds. Now that would be interesting. I wanna be swept away to sea and wake up on a stranded island. See, this is Movie Me coming out again. Movie Me has much much higher expectations of life.

I like how I can use this blog to vent out my frustrations and problems, and for that I am so thankful. I can always turn to it when I have no one to talk, or rather no one who can understand how I feel. Well, maybe there's one person but we're kinda in the same situation so talking to him wouldn't really improve anything.

-stripeytofu

12. Movie me.

Movie Me - Audio Blog

Speaking of War of the Worlds, did you guys hear about the meteor that hit Russia? Aliens I tell you, aliens!

11. I'm gonna be.

Listening to this song makes me feel relaxed, yet hyper at the same time. I can't explain it.. just, listen!



As you may have guessed, I recently watched the film Pitch Perfect, and guys, seriously, it's awesome. Then again, it's kind of a chick flick and I'm into that stuff. Even so, I recommend it to you guys cos.. cos it's awesome! Anyway, I suck with reviews and this isn't supposed to be a review post.

OMG I need a poo, be right back.

Okay, I'm back. Man, that hurt.

Anyway, I still do not have a job. I've spent SO long looking for one. I've had two interviews, passed both. First one was crap, so didn't accept. Second one was also crap. Also did not accept. Am I asking for too much?

I've decided, if by next month, I still don't have a job, I'll move back to Birmingham. I've been freeloading for too long off my cousins now and I feel so bad. I suppose at this point.. I'll just take any job I can get.

I'm trying to make a plan for my future, but so far, I keep hitting dead ends. What is wrong? Maybe I'm too afraid to admit it, but it's probably cos I'm all talk and no action. I am not physically putting the effort in to making my life better. I know, I'm always 'complain complain complain'. I am waiting for the right time, although I know the right time is when I make the time, and at the moment, I am making no time.

Well, that's all I got for today. Night guys.

- stripeytofu

10. My first ever job interview.

I'm so hungry right now, I'm wolfing down the onions in my dinner. And I hate onions.

It's 11:25PM and I got home like 15 minutes ago. My interview was meant to finish at 8:30PM So what happened exactly? To answer that question, I need to start from the beginning.

Before that though, I first need to apologise for failing to do stripeytuesday a week after I started it, but I think this post will be interesting and long enough to keep you entertained and for you to forgive.

Okay, here we go.

The introduction
I was looking for jobs online. I came across a job application for a company called RedFive. They're an independent marketing firm who specialise is direct marketing. Basically door to door sales. I just thought, meh, I'll do any job, I need money.

The day came for the interview and I totally aced it. One of the first things I said was 'I've never heard of you guys'. Somehow they liked me and asked me to come back for an open day and a final interview. I thought that that was the whole interview, no idea that there were two parts.

The next day
I got a call last night, but I missed it and didn't call back. This morning, I called again and they told me to come in for 12PM for the open day. It was 11PM so I only had 20 minutes to get ready and leave the house. My hair was a mess but nothing could be done about it.

When I got there, I waited an hour before they finally assigned me to an assistant manager. I guess she was kinda attractive. She's called Pia and it was her job to show me how the company ran. Along with some other contenders (I dunno what else to call us), we headed to another place by tube. Pia and I were assigned to a couple of streets where she showed me how to sell stuff. RedFive's current client is ADT, some security company I've never heard of but apparently it's the 75th biggest company in the world. Anyways, she was really good at talking to people. I can't explain but her conversational skills were amazing. She could start one with anyone and be really friendly. To be honest, it was quite inspiring. But the thing took the whole day and I was tired. Also, we didn't even make one sale. The only good part of the day was when I met another RedFive employee called Lia. She was hot man, and she was French so she had this really sexy accent. And she smoked. And she looked a bit like Lea Michelle but without the big nose and big lips.

At 8:30PM, Pia took me back to the office. Me and Pia bonded quite a lot, she was kinda like a mentor figure to me. I learnt a lot from her. I said to her 'Can I be honest with you?' because I had another interview the next day and obviously you wouldn't say that to the company you're applying for at the moment. She said 'Go ahead, cos I love you, kid'. It wasn't like, weird or anything. She was such a cool person.

So back at the office, I had to complete a little questionnaire. Most of the stuff I didn't know, like ISA sales and how much does a client earn from 25 ISA sales a week and stuff like that. I made up random numbers. When I finally got called it, I found out the person who interviewed me was the manager. We had a little chat, and I bullshitted to sell myself and he basically told me his life story ad how rich he was and that he uses a £300 pen just cos he can and also that he's been to a club with Justin Timberlake. Me, being the naive person that I am, believed him. I still don't know how much of it is true but, whatever. Oh yeah, before I went it my cousin texted me and said to not sign anything and just get out of there as she had just checked out the company on their website. She said that they're commission based meaning you get paid depending on performance. I knew what she meant, cos Pia told me she works from 11AM to 10PM for 6 days a week. What I didn't make any sales all 6 days? I'd be working many hours for nothin.

So at the end of the interview, the manager said welcome to the team. I was pretty chuffed cos it was my first job interview and I passed it. I found out after that there were 30 applicants and I was one of 2 that got the job. Quite proud of myself. Even though I turned it down the next day.

So there's the story of my first job interview. Got the job, but didn't do it.

Moral of the story? There isn't one. Or no point applying for something you're gonna do. Make what you want of it.

PS: I actually finished this post ages ago, but because some stupid syncing thing happened, the majority of it got deleted. Sorry.

9. Odeon, fanatical about film.

I've had an Odeon Premiere Club card for as long as I can remember. Till this day, I have been using it to collect points but never using the points to buy stuff.. Because I have yet to register online. I am that lazy.

I shall register tomorrow.

The other day, I met up with my friends Jag and Hassan who are going to a university in the city I'm living in. We went to an Odeon and watched Gangster Squad which was pretty decent. I really like Ryan Gosling who was pretty cool in the film. What's weird though, was when we went into the screening, us 3 were the only people in there. The room was literally empty except for us. I didn't mind, but it just felt a little weird cos that's never happened to me before.

In other news, I still have no replies from all the companies I sent CVs to except this advertising one. The interview is on Thursday and I still need to buy smart trousers. Dang.

- stripeytofu

PS: I have bought a new phone, so you should see some photos in my posts soon!

8. So there's this thing called stripeytuesday.

OK, there wasn't, but there is now. One of my weaknesses with blogging is keeping it updated regularly. To combat this, I've created stripeytuesday, where basically I MUST make at least one post by Tuesday. Good idea?

So what have I been up to since I've moved?

Oh actually, before I get to that, I just wanna say I just watched Love Actually on ITV2 and it's made me feel very good. Now I got to admit, it doesn't take much for a film to make me cry, at all, but this film made me cry out of happiness. This film was actually on my to-watch list, but I just haven't time. I was just checking what was on TV and u saw that it was 7 minutes in and decided to check it out. Pretty awesome film. One thing that surprised me is that ..., famous for being the main character in The Walking Dead, is actually British. His American accent in The Walking Dead is do good, I could never have been able to tell if I didn't wiki him up.

Okay, back to reality. Today, after takin my cousin's kid to school, I took the bus to the closest town and handed in my CV to Phones4U and CeX. I wanna work in retail to improve my customer service and to just earn some money really. In fact, this money I won't even be able to keep for very long. I haven't been able to end the contract with my private accommodation, so I need to pay it off. Which totally totally freakin' sucks. And I've been advertising the room on the Internet but still no luck, so I'm prepared for the worst.

My cousin suggested that I should save some money and go on holiday for most of August. He said I should go travelling around Europe, which sounds super fun! I guess I need to start saving. I actually can't wait to get a job. Yeah.

I also have an interview at my cousin's job place. She works for an advertising company and she asked her boss to take a look at my CV. The interview is in just over a week's time so I'm pretty nervous. I haven't had an interview since the practice one in Year 10.

By the way, about dying my hair... I'm totally still gonna go through with it, but my cousin said not until I have a proper job cos if I went to an interview with bright hair, the employer wouldn't even consider me. So therefore, I'm not gonna let you guys down. Just be patient.

In other news, living my cousin and her husband has been fine. The only problem is her oldest child who has a limitless supply of energy and whose mouth does not shut. He's always very curious and asking questions which is definitely a good thing, but there's just so much I can take. I try to keep up at first but by the end if the day, I either reply with just 'yes', 'no' or just don't reply at all. Another problem was the younger brother. He literally cries all the time. I know he's only one but still. Apparently I've grown on him now and he's only cried 3 times today. I've made him laugh quite a lot and I'm quite impressed with myself to be honest.

And so that is totally what is going on in my life right now. I want to take some pictures but the camera on my non-smartphone-for-now is only 3.2MP and the one on my tablet is crap. So pictures will have to wait until I get a new phone.

- stripeytofu

7. Email addresses guys

So some of you have requested to be added so that you can still read my blog. Problem is, none of you actually gave me your email addresses to add!

Thanks for showing interest though.

- stripeytofu

6. Well I'm finally moving today.

It's cold. And dark.
Here's my luggage. Quite a lot. It feels the same as when I was moving for university.
Just wanted to update.. I'm gonna make this blog private. I'll do that by the time I post next. If you wanna keep up with my life this year, pass me your email through either: Facebook, Twitter or Skype.
I just thought, maybe I shouldn't make my secret life so public haha.
About to go in the car now. See you guys in my new city!!
- stripeytofu

5. A new start, a new year, a new phone.

I just realised how nerdy this post could potentially be. If you're not into that stuff, then don't bother reading this post.

As they saying goes, with a new start comes a new phone. I'm kidding. There isn't really a saying like that.. until now! I just made it.

I've been using an iPhone 4 for the past few months. I bought it from a friend because my previous phone, the sexy Galaxy Note, was blacklisted! Guys, take my advice. NEVER buy a phone off eBay. Amazon, OK, but eBay? No way! Whoa that rhymed. So yeah, I bought the iPhone off him to use temporarily whilst I sort out the Note with the police, but they're taking freakin' ages.

I gotta tell you, making the switch from Android to iOS was difficult. I'm used to using iOS as I have a 3rd Gen iPod Touch and to be honest with you, it sucks! To each their own, but personally I detest iOS. The only reason I've still been using my Touch is because it's jailbroken. Without it, I would probably never have bought it. The iPhone is on firmware iOS 6, and as of now, it still can't fully be jailbroken. Which means I can't unlock it. Which means it's stuck on 3 forever.

Which leaves me two choices: 1. Keep using the iPhone or 2. Buy a new one!

I admit, I am terrible when it comes to phones. What I mean is, I always get a new one before I've used the old one for even a year. I'm only spoilt when it comes to phones though.. and games consoles.. and other gadgets... and everything basically. OK, I'm only spoilt when it comes to gadgets. But that's only cos I love them! But then, I suppose you could say that about everything else.

Anyway, I spent all day today at my dad's take away (working by the way, not just chilling) looking for a replacement phone that I would love. After watching/reading many reviews, I have come to a good choice. I've never been a fan of HTC (I don't like the interface), but this phone looks particularly nice. Truth be told, I am very shallow when it comes to phones, just like I am with girls. Most phones I've bought in the past was more for show than for actual hardware and software. The specs for the phone I want now is pretty good though. It is called the HTC One X+, an upgrade the One X. Let me show you:

This just screams SEXY.

Look at it!! Are you looking at it? That is the definition of almost perfectly sexy. Why almost perfect? Because THIS is perfect:

Jizzed.

I can't even- It's just.. amazing. Even the box is like, worth buying on its own.

OK, maybe not. But you know what I mean. Unfortunately though, what's stopping me from buying this phone is the fact that its maximum storage capacity is only 16GB. I usually watch movies and stuff on my phone, so that is not nearly enough space. Plus you can't insert microSD cards into it to increase the space. I used a 32GB microSD with my Note with itself had 16GB, so the loss of so much space is a big let down for me.